I live with 1 wife and 4 daughters, so I know about conflict--and in my family it’s not religion or politics that raises the most ire--it is the Towel.

Back in the days of my bachelor youth, the towel held no power. I had one. Its job was clear--it would dry me off after a shower. Period. Its color was a muddy grayish-brownish blah because its other function was to round out whatever load of clothes I was washing at the Laundromat. But with change comes---change. And as a man, I did not realize that the Towel has aligned itself with the powerful Estrogen Lobby and has forever changed the rules. To help out all men, I’ve outlined 4 old, obviously outdated, rules:

My whole attitude about going to the Dentist changed when I figured out that my Dental Hygienist smoked.

No, I don’t smoke…never have. I don’t even know her name. I’m not even sure I would recognize her without the mask and white shoes. No, our relationship is based on something much deeper than tobacco, looks or names. We share Guilt.

My wife should run away!

I mean it. Cash in the chips, grab the kids and get out of town. Libby has committed the most grievous error in saddling herself with my sorry hide. No I’m not a drunk, or mean, or abusive. I’m not even ugly. I am far, far worse.

I am a do-it-yourselfer… the kind that won’t let any task (however menial) be done by a skilled, competent laborer, when I can Do It Myself.

My current fiasco (in the latest endless chain) will serve as a typical example. I am drywalling our basement. SHOCKED at what a smooth, efficient professional would charge to haul mere sheets of gypsum down to the basement, and screw them in place. (How tough is that?) Then fill in the cracks with drywall compound (child's play!).

With all the righteous indignation that I possess (do-it-yourselfers possess a lot), firmly informed my wife, that I would do this simple task for the mere cost of materials and a few inexpensive tools. This would save us money, teach us valuable skills, and give us the satisfaction of doing it ourselves.

Then the bomb went off.