Connect • Contribute • Care

Looks like oral piercing is the latest youth rebellion without a clue. As they used to say, this is your dental health on hormones. If your kid has a tongue or lip ring, his or her fear of the dentist could be justified.

That’s because 15 to 20 percent of teens have a higher risk of both gum disease and tooth fractures according to a study from the School of Dental Medicine at Tel Aviv University. To prevent dentist visit phobia, have them consider a nose or nipple ring.

Few people fear the ear, nose and throat docs and I am not even sure the nipple docs have offices – at least that the authorities know about. When Dick Cheney shot his hunting buddy’s off, the only option for him was the quick nipple replacement medical clinics, which are in many tattoo parlors from what I hear.

While long hair was the scourge of my generation, there was very little pain involved. Not washing it enough as a teenager made the junior high dance pretty lonely for me, but the only health related issue that came up was my dad’s research in to gender reversal therapy or was it surgery? Luckily the hair problem has finally been remedied – without surgery – but this dental issue might not be as noninvasive for you.

With help from the American Dental Association, here are some things the kids should know about their body art statements. Side effects of oral piercing include pain without the gain, uncool swelling, yucky infection, great torrents of saliva and hacked up gum tissue. Plus you could be have one of those movie scene blood spew takes if a blood vessel gets clipped with a needle during the piercing.

If you still want to pierce your lip or tongue, make sure you know the Boy Scout’s special dental floss tourniquet technique. Its effectiveness is questionable, but if your friends digitally capture your attempt to apply it, you would have the first 10 million views dental video on youtube.com. And you could sell the rights to it to pay your dental surgery or your friends could sell it to pay for your funeral or at least a nice card.

Here is one more try to stop you from creating dental hellth for yourself. First, add the music and scream from Psycho…

My young oral piercing connoisseurs this could also be your dental health fate. Again from our friends at the American Dental Association… For some, chipped or cracked teeth (can you say, missing toof), blood poisoning (can you say, oh my) or even blood clots can occur (can you say, goodbye). For many, the swelling of the tongue is a common side effect (can you say, heh woe). And in extreme cases, a severely swollen tongue can actually close off the airway and prevent breathing (can you say, nothing… forever).

Youthful exuberance can have its good days, but oral piercings seem to be lacking the positive side of that equation. For example, “don’t give me no lip junior” might have new meaning for you after a badly done lip rip job. Or “hold your tongue little girl” might not be possible when it swells to the woof of your mouff.

Take it from someone who has lead a perfect life (your dad), oral jewelry might put you high on the rebel list, but when it bites you back, your mom and I are hear to say, I told you so.

Parents want the best for their kids. However, I just want to avoid the dental bills. So unless you want to be grounded till your 30, please avoid the hellful dental experience of that awaits the oral jewelry set.

Otherwise, I have reserved a reclining chair appointment for you, which includes a spit sucking tube ready to stuff in your saliva-overproducing oral cavity. It’s your choice. Just don’t wait too long – once you hit 18, our dental insurance is off limits to lip and tongue fashion statement-nistas. Then paying for your dental treatment to prevent mouth rot is on your dime.

Now, after being bludgeoned by all this hackneyed humor, I hope you see the error of your ways. As a failsafe measure, here is a gift certificate to Scream Bloody Murder Body Ring Emporium for a navel ring. It is for the whole bleed-to-you-drop party package. The navel ring concept is something even a traditional (and corny) dad like me can stomach.

Dental Blog by RAC