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People often die when this word is imbedded in their oral cavity. Actually, about 8,000 people, who give oral shelter to the vile brood squamous unleashes, die each year.

This malicious, voracious and rapacious cancer attacks the mouth, often starting in the lips, tongue and bottom of the mouth. Besides visiting a dentist today, who might save your life, there are some things you can stop doing right now to avoid a six-foot squamous induced submersion.

It seems (however unlikely) that the largest number of people stricken with squamous have also heavily imbibed in death accelerators: alcohol and tobacco. While I believe the US constitution allows its citizens to smoke in bars and restaurants until they kill the wait staff and then drive somewhat inebriated without a seat-belt (and kill their neighbors as they go home), squamous might be a good reason for those citizens to stop doing what they are doing.

Ironically, leading a life that includes no constitutionally protected vices does not provide us with complete immunity from squamous persecution, which means everyone should read on…

Basically, 75 percent who have squamous present in their oral places are dancing or have danced on the wild side (possibly driven on the wrong side of the road too). The other 25 percent who have squamous present in oral areas are not imbibing in constitutionally protected death accelerators.

Another eye opening and hack inducing statistic: Nine out of ten people who entertain the squamous marauder are 45 or older.

Hopefully you are now squeamish about squamous and want to take precautions immediately!

Running to your dentist is not a normal occurrence, but if you are near the age of 45, it might make sense for you. If you have just burned a cancer stick before signing a petition to continue shortening the lives of wait staff in your community, I suggest you take a cab so you don’t cough up a lung during your sprint.

Bluntly, waiting is not an option. If you do not have your dentist or doctor check your oral cavity until you are in the middle years of your life, it might be too late.

Of course, even if you DO drink and/or smoke, and are mumbling and muddling into middle age, this does NOT mean you should give up and avoid the dentist. There are many people (besides you) that will miss those extra few days, weeks or years you could be around if you get an earlier diagnosis.

Having to say to my kids that I never knew my grandfather or grandmother because they died young (drinkers and/or smokers or around them) is a history you should avoid providing. While I am already tired of muddling and mumbling through the dark (middle) ages, it is better than stumbling and muttering through an early tour of the underworld. Some of us might have a date with the heavenly gates, but 75 percent of you might still need to think about how your vices make the upstairs scenario less likely.

My recommendation is that you get an oral cancer screening: go to your dentist or doctor so they can squash the squamous that might be on the tip of your tongue right now.

I hope you are NOT offended by my lipping off to you, but I would rather have that on my conscious than having your lips actually fall off.

I should also NOT have the last word on this topic so… If you need more than sarcasm to convince you of the scandalous sqaumous squadron’s devastating capacity, the Oral Cancer Foundation should put you in the right frame of mind.